hopefully some of you can relate to this~
For the longest time, I wanted to become this person that didn’t have to follow the strict expectations of what society wanted me to become. I guess, I was in a stage of rebellion, in my own way. I tried college. Twice. And after a few mishaps involving my health, I said fuck it. Twice. I traveled a lot. A majority of the country. I traveled to the point where I can now choose which states are dear to my heart. Traveling led to happiness that masked all of my insecurities concerning which path I wanted my life to meander down. I wanted to go places, I wanted to see things that my mind considered raw beauty. I wrote a book of poems that is currently being reviewed by an editor. I was literally becoming that image of “free spirit” that it seems most Tumblians want to become.
Something was weird, though. I would come home and I would hate everything. I never ever once wanted to consider my home to be a dead end; to be a place where my thoughts gather and spiral downward rapidly. A place where I felt like a wound that would throb with the most horrid pain and remain gauged open for eternity.
I spent so much of my time obsessing over becoming something other than a college-going, square-resembling, minimum wage-collecting 21 year old to the point where I, now, realize that that is exactly what I need to be.
At this point in my life.